The new year has started, marking the end of the holiday season. The decorations are going to start to come down (or maybe you leave them up all year, Idk XD) and school (college) is going to start back up in a couple of weeks. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and that you thrive in whatever 2015 has in store for you! For me this is a wonderful time to post my first actual blog post because, new year, new blog, new goals, new life, right?
So I guess you all had new year's resolutions for this year, right? You know like I said the last time I am a telepath and I can read your minds. (0.o ..... XD) Well at least for me anyways I have a few that usually stay the same from year to year. The classics like, be more outgoing, find a job, don't be lazy, things of that nature. Things that I can dream about but never come true XD However this year, leading up to christmas and new year's I was, and still am a little bit, down on myself for some things. The two most relevant and relatable ones are my weight, and my ex. So I want to talk about them for a minute.
The freshman fifteen, I can assure you, is not a myth. (Keeping it to just fifteen is a challenge in and of itself XD) For me I've always been used to eating whatever I want and having a fast metabolism to fall back on. Between that, working and horseback riding at my barn, I've always been on the smaller side. However in going to college, I wasn't able to do those things anymore. I slept in really late, went to my classes, took a break, went online, studied, then went to bed again (with a shower of course! Can't forget good hygiene :p). I rode only once a week so that in itself counted for my weekly exercise. The rest of my days I just walked from class to class for exercise. When I came home for break and weighed myself with an actual scale instead of playing a guessing game with a mirror, I was absolutely mortified at what I saw. I couldn't bear it. I could tell I was gaining some pounds but nothing this extreme. (or at least what I thought before).
On a completely different spectrum, The situation with my ex-boyfriend, which we can call Bart, (Yes, this is a horrible made-up name. Yes, I am using it as a tiny little form of revenge }:D No, I don't have issues still! I'm fine . . . . XD) is disastrous and up until recently I ragged on myself a lot for. Bart and I started dating early on and the semester and we became very close. We had just as good a friendship as a relationship. However there were some things I didn't enjoy about Bart that I needed to talk to him about and work out. I had learned a lot of relationship problems are solved if you just talk to the person honestly, so Bart and I had established this early on. When I approached him, he abruptly claimed we had nothing in common and after a long talk we ended up breaking up. I would have been okay (hurt but able to heal) with just the break-up (because it was face to face and mutual to some degree) however afterwards Bart felt entitled to say whatever he liked. He went on a rant tearing down our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend and friends. He acted like someone totally opposite from what I new him to be, like if someone kind and gentle turned into angry and scary in the blink of an eye. This made me very sad and distraught and for a while. I didn't know what to do or how to feel. In my mind that morphed into "How could you let him get so close to you?", "How could you let him in and say what he did to you?", and "It's your fault your relationship is over!".
With these two things in mind, (first world problems I know but problems nonetheless :p), the biggest thing I learned about kindness, transitioning from last year to this year, is that being kind to yourself makes a difference. A kind friend helped me with my weight problem by showing me an app called Lose It!. This app is a healthy way to combine your goal weight, with how you eat (down to a tee of precision I might add :P), and your exercise. This way I can still eat what I want and how much I want but manage myself through a calorie budget I have every day. By avoiding those unhealthy snacks and foods that make you gain weight in the first place, I am able to be healthier and stay under my budget. I have the free version of the app but if you buy the app then you can also interact with other people trying to loose some pounds and compete and different challenges like "Living Healthy" or "Walk your way to fitness". For the last week that I've had this app I have already shed off two pounds and have began working my way to a healthier lifestyle. As for Bart (Teehee, Bart. He sounds like an adorable nerd and I love them :3 . . . I guess my revenge plan failed . . . XD), my mom, and many others believe that the things he said to me were out of anger and fear of being hurt. As if he were trying to distance himself from me to ease the blow of breaking up. This sounds understandable but to me (and most agree) the hurtful things he said are selfish, and inexcusable as a boyfriend or a friend. This makes it really hard for me to forgive him as many are encouraging me to. Despite all this though while we were together we did have a lot of good memories and laughs. Through this I realized all I can do now is just take in what they're saying, cherish those good memories, push forward and not dwell on the past. These are just a couple ways I am kind to myself.
Although I am horrible at taking my own advice, I know being kind to myself in this way will not only make for a better future but for a better now. I'm sure you have all heard these kind of things before but let's reiterate them for fun . . . Everything happens for a reason, you learn from experience, and you get as much out of it as you put into it. I have to learn new ways of managing my diet and exercise and through my new experiences I have learned what it really means to push ahead. Although I cannot take my own advice, (aka I am not perfect with these things), I know I'm trying my best under the circumstances and that's all that matters. So I encourage you all, be kind to yourself this holiday (or the days/weeks after this holiday XD), and see what it can do for you. Big or small, it does make a difference :)
~Claire~
No comments:
Post a Comment